Waking up ashamed doesn’t have to be your default anymore.
It’s exhausting to feel like you “should” be able to stop but you still kind of wish you could drink without the consequences. You promise yourself it’s going to be different this time, but then you always end up returning to drinking and it’s not clear why.
You see your drinking as a personal failure, convinced it means you’re a weak-willed loser with no discipline and self-control.
It’s lonely and frustrating to feel stuck in a cycle of guilt, but you don’t have to face this alone. Allowing someone else to take a look at your drinking with you can help you move forward.
You can live a life truly free from alcohol where you believe that alcohol has nothing to offer you.
I do not have any openings right now. Please add your name to the waitlist to have access to open slots as they become available (expected: early February)
“Life-changing; Your sense of humor, authenticity, insightful questions, and perspective were essential to helping see things in a different light. My experience meeting you one-on-one even exceeded my expectations. One of the best investments I have made for myself.”
“I felt safe confronting this with you, which is not something I had ever felt or trusted with anyone before. I was able to process this triggering event in a way I wouldn't have been able to do on my own.”
My Sober Coaching Philosophy
Brain Capacity: Get Out of Autopilot Mode
Sometimes people tell me that they don’t understand why they drink, it just happens.
There is a reason you’re drinking, but you’ve either pushed that reason outside of your awareness or it’s below your level of detection.
We will work together to turn your brain back on and get more in tune with what’s going on in the present moment.
Chronic, heavy drinking strengthens the addictive pathways in the brain and weakens everything else. Over time, the decision to drink becomes an automatic and thoughtless reaction.
We have to strengthen and learn to recruit pathways that help us stay focused, select goal-directed behavior, and learn from our experiences.
Coping Skills: The Window of Tolerance
We experience a wide range of emotions during the day, but we all have a certain degree of intensity that we can experience and still cope
This is called your window of tolerance. When an emotion goes beyond the window of what you can tolerate, you may feel urgency to make it go away
When we drink over every stressor, emotion and problem in our lives, our window of tolerance shrinks down to nothing and our nervous system gets all messed up.
Then, we come into sobriety with a very small capacity of feelings that we can deal with before it gets overwhelming
We will work together to help you develop coping skills to expand your window of tolerance
Hear From Past Clients
“It helped me learn that I can handle a lot more than I realized without drinking my way through it. I got very clear on when and why I would use alcohol and how to experience those times and feelings without drinking.”
“110% support without judgement”
“I think it helped me to see that the hamster wheel analogy I speak about, is kind of true for most of us when drinking is involved, and you need to figure out a new "tool" to get you off it and just keep implementing it. Change is repetitiveness, nothing more.”
“I have a noticed a huge change in wanting to go into bars. I can walk by a bar without envy, a little sadness, and joy that my time there is over.”
“I’m definitely more confident, specifically about this being permanent this time.”
Sober Lifestyle: Make Sobriety Your New Normal
My clients often ask me, “what do normal people do at night?”
We build our lives around alcohol. It happens slowly over time, so slowly that you may not notice it, but you’re already living an alcohol-focused life by the time you’re aware alcohol is a problem for you.
We choose our friends based on who likes to drink like we do.
We have limited patience for our family (and everyone else).
The availability of alcohol often determines where we go on vacation, what activities we are willing to do on the weekend, and more.
We spend time worrying if there’s going to be enough for us.
Part of living a sober life is understanding how to set boundaries, have empathy for others, communicate assertively, and get your needs met.
We will work together to figure out what a sober lifestyle means for you and how to build a new routine, find hobbies, and discover who you are.
Shame-Free Zone
Most of my clients come to me feeling intense shame about what they’re doing, but they don’t feel comfortable telling anyone else about what is really going on. Sharing the shame in a safe space is freeing. I would like to provide that space for you.
Whatever you’ve done, whether it’s getting drunk alone and barfing or drinking for the 5000th time after saying you’re done, you never have to feel ashamed to tell me anything.
I’ve been there.
We are a team.
Recommended episodes:
E200: My Great Shame (listen here)
I’m 5 Years Sober: Here’s How I Reached Acceptance (listen here)
E150: 15 Strategies I Tried to Moderate My Drinking (listen here)
Coaching Packages
All Coaching Packages Include the Following:
2, 50 minute sessions a month
Unlimited messenger support outside of our sessions in a client portal
Who I Work With:
Men and women who know they are done with alcohol
I specialize in stress and overwhelm reduction, emotion management, self-regulation skills, coming off of autopilot mode, social anxiety, dealing with shame, and building self-esteem
Who I Don’t Work With:
Someone who primarily struggles with other substances
Someone looking to cut back or moderate
Why 4 or 9 Months?
When we first quit drinking, there is a decrease in quality of life, happiness, self-esteem, and recovery capital (the internal and external resources we can use stay stay sober) and an increase in psychological distress.
If you look at this graph, this trend continues until ~9 months sober and then things begin to improve.
I like to support my clients for 4 months until they begin to get some momentum, or for 9 months when this drop resolves and things begin to turn around.
In my experience, the most common danger points where someone returns to drinking are at 3 months and at 6-8 months (depending on the person).
Please note: not everyone stays sober right away either, so this gives us time to figure it out together.
Incubation of Craving
There's a phenomenon observed in drugs (cocaine, meth, heroin), smoking, and alcohol use where cravings increase over time after a person has quit. This is called Incubation of Craving. Not everyone will experience this, but if you do, that’s why I like to support people for at least 4 months.
With alcohol, incubation of craving seems to peak around 2-3 months.
Venniro. Neurosci Biobehav Rev. 2021
Interestingly, self-reported craving in response to alcohol/drug cues differs from physiological response (increase heart rate, blood pressure, and skin conductance response). What I mean by this is that people don't think they are experiencing a craving or reacting to a cue, but their body tells a different story. This is why it's important for us to understand our triggers and work on developing awareness.
Incubation of craving leads to elevated craving levels in response to alcohol cues, followed by a slow decline of craving. Reduction of craving is seen as a main indicator of successful recovery.
In rats, incubation of craving for alcohol peaks around 1 month, but the desire for non-drug rewards like sugar and unhealthy food also peaks. We are not rats, but this information is helpful to get some insight into our experience. Do you crave sugar when you quit drinking? Find that you’re eating more than usual? Just like cravings for alcohol, this will pass. I am here to support you during it.
Factors that enhance incubation of craving:
sex (can be stronger in women than men, but this is not always the case in studies. The thought is some women may be more vulnerable to craving due to their cycle)
sleep
social support
peer pressure, how much the people around you drink
chronic stress
lack of coping strategies
overestimating the benefits of drinking
selective attention to alcohol cues
disrupted reward system- takes about 3-6 months for noticeable recalibration
Frequently Asked Questions
Do you only work with women? I work with both men and women of all ages
What if I’m already sober? About half of my clients come to me after making the decision and getting a bit of sober time. If you’re already sober, then we will focus on staying sober and dealing with “the work” that comes up for you
Will you support me outside of our sessions? Yes, I have a client portal where we will be communicating outside of sessions
Coaching is out of my budget, what can I do? Please check out my community. I host 1-2 support meetings per week in there.
Are you certified? Yes, I am a certified professional recovery coach (CPRC). You can learn more about my qualifications here.
I’m an angry problem drinker. Can you help me with both? Yes, some of my clients work on both anger and sobriety at the same time. You can learn more about anger management here, but my packages are the same.