5 Reasons People Relapse and What To Do About It
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They get sick of thinking about sobriety all the time and want balance
Around 18 months I was feeling very frustrated with how obsessed I was about sobriety and I remember telling my therapist, “is this what life is going to be like forever? I either have to obsess over alcohol or obsess over not drinking alcohol?” It didn't feel like freedom to me. Acceptance is key though, right? Eventually I was able to accept that sobriety is something that needs to be maintained, and that requires consistent work.
They try to live the same lifestyle without the alcohol
This is a big one. So many people tell me they want to prove to themselves that nothing has to change, or they want to challenge themselves by making drinks for other people or buying them alcohol. There's zero reason to be doing that. People are perfectly capable of buying their own alcohol and getting their own drink. It's not hard. And as for your lifestyle, when the most important thing in your life is alcohol, how can you expect to just remove the alcohol and live the same life? I used to say that drinking was my hobby, and it was. I had nothing else going on in my life.
They don’t do the work to identify their triggers and learn to manage them
Understanding what upsets you and what your buttons are is critical. If you don't know what your triggers are then try to ask yourself questions next time you're upset, or if you were recently very upset then try to analyze the situation. I always ask myself, “who hurt you?” and that helps.
They are in early sobriety (<2 months)
This one is pretty simple, but if you're in early sobriety you don't have your confidence built up yet. You may even still believe that you “need” alcohol to have fun, be social, relax, etc. Time, and proving to yourself that you can do all of those things without alcohol helps. In the meantime, protecting yourself from situations that you don't feel comfortable in (usually social ones) is helpful to avoid drinking.
They secretly hope they will be able to moderate someday
This was me and this was why I had 10,000 day 1's. When I challenged myself to 90 days sober I only did it to “cure” myself so I would be able to moderate. If you're maintaining the belief that you'll be able to drink again someday, then you can never be free. It's not easy to let go of moderation though, and it took me 5 years of consistently failing to moderate before I was able to accept I couldn't moderate lol. I talk more about this concept in episode 91: do you want to be sober or do you want to drink without the consequences.
Bonus reason people relapse: they are experiencing Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) and don’t know how to cope with the symptoms.
Learn more in episode 110:
Relapse can seem to come out of nowhere and just get you. Many people say they have no idea why they drank, they just did. This is really dangerous because if you don’t know what got you, then how can you protect yourself from it next time? In this episode you’ll learn 5 reasons why people relapse. This is not a comprehensive list, but it will give you some ideas on what to work on.
What to listen to next:
E9: From Chronic Day Ones to Forever Sobriety
E59: What to Expect When You Stop Drinking
E60: How Alcohol Affects Our Cognitive Abilities
E20: Why is it So Hard to Moderate?
E43: Drinking to Cope
E55: How to Power Through When You Want to Give Up
E79: Why We Romanticize Alcohol
E80: Benefits of a Dry Month
E91: Do You Want to be Sober or Do You Want to Drink Without the Consequences?
E94: Drinking to Cope or Numb Out Doesn't Help, Here's How to Really Cope
E97: Why We Keep Believing it’ll be Different this Time
E98: Emotion Intensity and How to Start Self-Regulating
E99: Why We Can Never Drink Again (Neuroplasticity and Permanent Changes)
Resources mentioned:
Article from Blair Sharp
https://medium.com/@blairsharp/want-not-drinking-to-get-easier-grab-your-sparkling-water-and-read-this-d9bbd36a2640
My interview with American Addiction Centers
https://youtu.be/5VnbEmQqi0o
PAWS eBook
https://www.buymeacoffee.com/soberpowered/e/70147
Cite this episode
Tietz, G. Episode 110: 5 Reasons People Relapse and What to Do About It. Sober Powered. 2022.
