Drinking Envy and Wishing You Could Be “Normal”
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Drinking envy happens when we observe others enjoy alcohol without the struggles we face. This can trigger feelings of resentment and inferiority. The key to break free from this is acceptance and understanding that our relationship with alcohol is different, which is not a matter of self-control or personal strength.
How I deal with drinking envy
I saw that while my husband could enjoy a drink without it consuming his life, I could not. It wasn't because he was stronger; my brain just reacted differently to alcohol. I used to envy him, especially during warm weather outings or vacations when he’d enjoy a cocktail. What helped me the most is asking my husband to not drink wine around me, because that was my favorite drink. Not observing the whole ritual with wine was very helpful.
You can still socialize sober
Quitting drinking doesn’t mean quitting socializing. You can still socialize sober. Recognizing the truth about your drinking helps reduce the envy you might feel watching others drink.
To handle this drinking envy, a valuable technique is 'playing the tape forward' – visualizing the outcomes if you were to drink. Will you stop at one drink? Will you sleep well? Will you regret drinking the next day? By comparing your experiences to those you envy, you’ll see the stark contrast. And while we cannot change how we react to alcohol, we can change our perspective and responses, helping us manage drinking envy and remain sober.
Learn more about coping with drinking envy in episode 116
Have you ever wished you could just be “normal”? I used to think that all the time and sometimes I still do. Feeling envious of people who can have 1 drink and move on is totally normal, but we have to be careful that this doesn’t lead into thinking trying to moderate is a good idea or lead us into victim mentality. In this episode you’ll learn about drinking envy, how it can hurt your sobriety, and what to do if this is something you really struggle with.
What to listen to next:
E103: Why We Use Alcohol to Enhance Our Experiences
E81: Why We Drink: Social Drinkers vs Problem Drinkers
E79: Why We Romanticize Alcohol
Sources
Envy - IResearchNet. Psychology. Published January 10, 2016.
Burton, N. The Psychology and Philosophy of Envy. Psychology Today. Published 2020.
Kunst J. Seven Deadly Sins: Envy | Amethyst Recovery Center. Amethyst Recovery Center. Published February 5, 2016.
Check out this episode for more
Tietz, G. Episode 116: Drinking Envy and Wishing You Could be “Normal”. Sober Powered. 2022.
